


Where I Stand

by rexzaki



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Family Issues, Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-04-24 23:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14365992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rexzaki/pseuds/rexzaki
Summary: They say every bully’s been bullied at some point in their lives. How exactly can that be true for someone as crude as Haizaki Shougo? A closer look into the world of gray.





	1. Teikou

“Good morning, Haizaki-kun—“

“GEH!!”

It wasn’t all that long ago when Kuroko Tetsuya, the newest first string member of Teiko High’s Basketball Club, was able to climb up the ladder into being a regular, thanks to his connection with Akashi and Aomine. Not that anyone could blame the guy, he is pretty damn impressive. Haizaki himself can’t say much in this case. At least he’s a little more behaved than the rest of them, that’s for sure. Though he did have this weird aura around him… but who was he to talk.

“What gives, man?!” With a hand hovering over his chest, Haizaki lets out a heavy sigh to calm his nerves. Still not used to this ghost of a boy just appearing out of nowhere every time, it's kind of pain.

“Hello, Haizaki-kun." Kuroko greets courteously. “I apologize, I did not mean to scare Haizaki-kun. But I’ve been right behind you for a while now.”

“YEAH RIGHT!!”

They've just finished their daily afternoon practice, and now it’s time to head home-- something Haizaki deems as what he looks forward to after all the unnecessary tedious training they always have to do. Honestly who gives a shit about doing this… always coming out of it all tired and sweaty... but it's kinda troublesome always having to be hunted down by their feared captain of the bunch. And to say the least, at least it’s not _that_ boring.

Haizaki was just about to leave the premises in his hopes of no one stopping him in  his tracks, but he was caught by none other than the sneakiest one of them all.

“I kinda wanna hurry up and leave already so I can go home, so just spit it out, Tetsuya. What do you want?”

Kuroko takes a step closer, pausing for a second with large blue orbs staring straight into Haizaki’s soul.

_So unnerving.._.

“I was wondering if I can walk home with you,” Kuroko murmurs, no hesitation in his tone.

Haizaki is another story. “Hah? Walk home with me?? Why’d you even wanna do that…” the taller of the two grumbles lightly, brows furrowing at the thought of having to exert even more energy talking. “I don’t care what you wanna do, but I don’t see why ya gotta come over here and bother me.” But from the way Haizaki had already started to walk, that’s probably the go-signal for Kuroko to do whatever he wants.

“I would like to keep Haizaki-kun company for a little bit, if that is okay.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

In these cases, it was always the rest of them out to do their little friend things. Akashi would be off somewhere else, busy doing his other club activities (something about student council.) Midorima would sometimes tag along, but rarely. He does seem a bit of a loner too, but he probably prefers to tag along to keep the others out of trouble. Murasakibara always follows when it involves food. It was Kuroko and Aomine who were always together, given they’ve known each other even before Kuroko became first-string. Why Haizaki knows this, well… if there was anyone who chose to be alone, it was Haizaki. When he was out killing time at the, or wooing girls while they’re out on dates with their loser boyfriends, there would be those rare moments when Haizaki would catch his supposed teammates out doing… _their little friend things._

_Right now, there could be a multitude of thoughts running inside Haizaki’s head. Thoughts like, what might be in the microwave for dinner, or who’s home and if he could take a couple hours to take a side trip to the arcade since no one would notice… Things like, why the hell is Kuroko following him instead of hanging out with the usual gang. This doesn’t feel right… But somewhere inside him, he’s not really bothered by it. At least not right now._

They continue down the sidewalk for a couple minutes and no one has said a word. The only noise breaking silence are the cars passing by as they near the busier part of town. Finally, someone breaks the silence.

“Haizaki-kun.” Kuroko finally speaks up with curiosity in his tone.

_Yeah. He possibly wouldn’t tag along with me without an ulterior motive… who was I kidding?_ “What. Just out with it, already.” Haizaki sighs with slight annoyance in his tone,

“I was just wondering. What do you do in your spare time?”

What’s this? Kuroko’s actually curious about what Haizaki does? Not like it was ever any secret anyway, so why would he even ask? Haizaki grunts, allowing himself to just go along with it. “What any bored student does when he’s got no other shit to do. That should be self-explanatory.”

“Ah. I see. Haizaki-kun must get bored a lot then since I always spot you doing something.”

“Then why’d you ask if you see me anyway?!”

Kuroko smiles lightly, with a light shake of his head, “I just wanted to hear it from Haizaki-kun.”

After that brief exchange, another couple minutes of silence pass. It’s probably because Kuroko's trying to form the right words to say inside his head.

“Haizaki-kun.” Haizaki grunts in response. “If you are ever bored… please hang out with us.”  
  
Haizaki isn’t sure whether to laugh at the suggestion, or to just simply brush it off.  
_Like it was that easy. You obviously don’t know shit, Tetsuya._

But really, Haizaki only had to sigh in response. _Maybe…_  
“I’ll think about it.”

Kuroko smiles, honestly having expected to be shot down but it was just as surprising, if not even more to hear the other consider it. “I look forward to it, Haizaki-kun.”

A brief moment of silence when Haizaki finally decides to just cut to the chase.

“Oi, oi, is that really all you came here for or didja have somethin’ else to say?”

There is a brief moment of silence. He had to be careful enough to not trigger Haizaki to retract back into his shell that he managed to lift up even for just a little bit.

“Ah, you see… I was just wondering… What does basketball mean to you?” Kuroko’s voice softens.  
  
“...” Haizaki falls silent however, again brought back deeper into his thoughts. His answer could be just as simple as _to kill time,_ but he could’ve really just resorted to continue galavanting to the game center or wherever his feet could bring him to-- trouble, as he’s known to cause. But...

What _does_ basketball mean to him?

“Haha…” Haizaki chuckled breathlessly, “Nothing special, really.”  
  
_Nothing special… Then why the hell do I keep trying._

“Nothing… special?” Kuroko blinks, though the way his eyebrows furrowed shows dissatisfaction from Haizaki’s answer, like… he knows that Haizaki isn’t being completely honest with him.

“Yeah…” Gray orbs avert its gaze back forward, hands shoving themselves in his pockets as he opts himself to walk faster, “...That’s that.”

At this point, Kuroko decides not to press on any more than he could. At least not right now. One wrong move and he might push Haizaki further away. One step at a time… and maybe, just maybe someday, he can get the guy to open up. However…

\---

_“Quit the basketball team. That is an order.”_

 

It came as a shock to everyone. Even though they may not care as much (or it seems that they didn’t), it was still news to hear that Haizaki’s decided to quit the team. Of course out of all of them, Kuroko is the most shocked.

“Eh…? Quit?? Haizaki quit?!” Aomine was a little bit in disbelief, hoping even a little bit that some things can be arranged, changed, or whatever they could do to at least give the guy some consideration. But honestly, they all knew somehow that this was coming. Lately, he hasn’t been coming to practice more and more, and it’s really gotten worse since Akashi’s promotion as Team Captain. There could be a number of factors, but no one could really guess why Haizaki decided to finally stop. Somehow, it feels like it just happened sooner than everyone thought.

\---

_Basketball… it’s stupid. It’s boring, and I don’t give a shit about it..._

_“Is that how you really feel, Haizaki-kun?”_

_Is it…? Of course it is… Haha! Of course…_

_Of course…_

_It… is…_

_._

_._

_._

_\--Because that’s all you really do, Shougo. Lie to yourself.--_  
_  
_ **_Fuck._ **

\---

It’s been a few weeks now. All Haizaki could hear every time he passes by a basketball court is how his school uniform speaks for the status of his school’s basketball team.

The Generation of Miracles.

It’s the talk of the town, and soon after, news had spread nationwide about these genius basketball players and how they’ve come to unite in one single team. A team that Haizaki was once in. But… that’s all just in the past now.

It’s after school, and Haizaki’s left with nothing much to do. Even going to the game center is stupidly boring now, and dating (more like stealing) girls has just become way too easy, save for the violence that comes with causing trouble. Now, it’s just him wandering aimlessly of what else he can do now.

And while he tracks down his steps towards the convenient store that he used to frequent for food, Haizaki catches a glimpse of multicolored hair.

_There they are… All chummy and shit. Laughing. Happy. Tch… What the fuck. Like I even care… HAHA! No, I… I really fucking don’t!_

And as Haizaki stood there, helpless, in wonder, confused, with a deep furrow etched into the frown lines of his face… All he could think about is how things could be different if he stood there, with them. Snarkily throwing teases at Kuroko, picking the hell out of Kise, arguing with Aomine...

_I could be there too. But… I’m not._

 

It sucks.

This sickening feeling that makes his insides feel like it’s twisting.

The envy inside the pit of his stomach that makes him wanna hurl.

It’s disgusting. So disgusting, and yet...

_It’s… something I wish… I had. Heh, well… I did have it… maybe for a little bit. It was… nice. And now it’s…_

_Gone._

And just like that, Haizaki turns his back away from what was once his, or what could’ve been his, something that he can never and will never be able to steal away for his own.


	2. Ma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cold breakfast.

Thick droplets of rain hit the rooftop of the Haizaki home. It's fairly cozy but a little cold from inside, but only because the cool smoothness of the fabric of Shougo's blanket felt nice against his skin, with the way it's wrapped so tightly around him in a blanket burrito.

Shougo's lids lift weakly, with the crusty morning glory flaking on the corners of his tired eyes. Mornings-- bleugh. He certainly wasn't a morning person, that with what he wished all the time was to sleep a couple hours-- maybe more. Maybe to never even get up if that was possible. But a man's gotta get up and eat, right? The rumbling in his stomach, and the pain on the right side of his body, and the way his pillow was positioned right up against the back of his skull... what a pain to wake up after a long night of hearing nothing but silence inside the cold household. Save for the sound from his video game console, everything is just silent alone.

After dreading a few more minutes, Shougo finally kicks his feet to the side of the bed, with his flats hesitantly feeling for the cold, dusty wood. He stretches, followed by an obnoxiously loud yawn and his untrimmed finger nails scratching for the bottom of his back. His clock blares out a loud 7:34AM. Just about thirty minutes before he absolutely has to be in the school grounds. It's a good thing he lives just close by. Give or take, maybe eight minutes tops if he dashes to school like he means it.

Shougo drags himself out of the comforts of his bedroom towards the shared family bathroom. It's empty like usual, but the tiles are damp and cold. It might be from the rain, it might be because Shougo loves his evening baths so much, he takes them almost every night (which explains why his hair is always so damn messy and all over the place). He leans over against the ceramic of his sink, with tired eyes looking straight at a blurry image of himself. WIth a few generous splashes to his face, he takes a good look at himself once again-- at the wrinkles engraved on his forehead, at the redness of his eyes, and the disgust forming on the lower half of his face and at the way his upper lip curved ever so slightly along with the way his nose wrinkled at himself. 

What the hell are you looking at, huh?

After another good few seconds, he reaches out for the yellow colored toothbrush sitting inside a green plastic cup on top of the sink and begins to brush his teeth and wipe down his body just to make sure he's clean enough and ready to go.

7:40AM.

Shougo's finally downstairs in his school uniform with yet another loud yawn echoing through the halls towards the kitchen. Not a soul in sight but his own, and nothing to greet him but a microwave with a paused timer on it. "00:11". Every morning is a different time, but it's never more than a minute, and never less than 10 seconds. Whoever was heating up food in there just never had the patience to let food heat up all the way. Shougo stares at the microwave door for a good ten seconds before reaching out to check its contents.

Scrambled eggs, a bowl of rice, and pre-packed fish, in which they're all wrapped in a thin plastic film. The most basic meal you could ever give to a growing teenage boy. On top of it is a note that says, 

"If you're still hungry, more food in the fridge.  
Don't forget to lock the door. Mom was angry  
she came home last night and it wasn't locked."

Shougo's grasp on the piece of paper tighten, his grip wrinkling it almost all the way. He could feel the wrinkles on his forehead deepening ever so slightly, but he lets it go almost immediately in surrender as he sets the piece of paper aside on the kitchen counter. With his breakfast, he brings his food over to the round dusty dining table to eat in peace and quiet. Perhaps maybe a little too quiet for his taste.

Boring.

"So boring..."

He can't even remember her face anymore. Ever since that day he heard the front door slam at its loudest that he's ever heard, and all the screaming and yelling, gone for good... well, things have never been the same since then. Not even a single picture frame on the wall, nothing... It's like Shougo owns the entire house. What a dream, right? No need to pay rent, and food just magically comes out of the microwave. Definitely so much better than being scolded all the time, to pick up his dirty socks and towel from the bathroom floor, better than being called to come downstairs for dinner, or breakfast to rush to school. Nothing more satisfying than taking his own time, right? This is what Shougo once wanted. For all the yelling to stop, to just fucking stop.

 

And it stops.

 

Like it never happened. Like he didn't even had a mother. Like she never existed in the first place. Like she never held his hand when he needed it the most.

Breakfast that magically appears inside the microwave, huh...?

7:48AM.

Shougo cleans up the dishes after what felt like a tasteless and unsatisfying breakfast. He looks back at the table with a tentative stare, only to suddenly grab for a small clean towel sitting on the side of the sink. He washes it thoroughly, twisting it to rid of all the excess water before walking over towards the table. He gives the flat surface some good cleaning, his arm laboring in circles to make sure there's no sign of dust. And when he's finally satisfied, he takes a step back and tosses the towel back into the sink. He'll just wash it off later.

7:50AM.

Shougo walks out of the door with an umbrella on hand. The rain isn't showing any signs of stopping or slowing down, and it doesn't look like it'll be a good idea to run with the ground having at most half an inch of water threatening to make anyone slip with the wrong step. Eh... he'll make do of it. 

But first,

Let's lock the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this one with a friend writing her own work, in a word sprint!! I'm posting this unedited, and will definitely edit it over time. But because I feel good about this one, I decided to go ahead and post it~

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone~! Thanks for reading my first fic ever xD  
> This multichapter fanfic conveys my feelings about Haizaki, and my interpretation of how he might have felt during the canon verse.
> 
> Next couple chapters will be about his family (and others ;D) so just watch out for those!! I hope you stick around as I constantly edit and polish this~!
> 
> \--rexzaki


End file.
